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Hello Censor–is that you?

by Frank on February 23rd, 2012

A sure fire way to encourage writer’s block: “the Censor’s prayer”

Okay bubba, this is the big deal, the chapter you’ve been waiting for, the one that if you don’t get perfect on the first crack will kill the entire project and probably ruin your chances at ever writing anything more of value in the future.  You should not feel any sense of pressure, however, for there is no one watching you.  Except me.  I mean you.  We must police ourself.  You will not be able to edit anything you put down, so make sure that it is letter perfect—an example of high literary art–before you commit a single word to the page.  No need to fret or worry.  Just don’t fail, or you’re dead meat.  Yep, no pressure.  Just ease your way on in because there will be no turning back.  Enough of this shitty first draft business.  That’s for wimps.  You’ve got to nail it dead on as soon as you spring off the starting blocks.  The only problem is that you can’t do it.  This is hopeless.  You are simply not up to the job.  So sit there immobile and take every possible avenue of procrastinatory escape.  Yes, go put up a poem on your blog if it makes you feel better.  Check your email.  You’ve probably got another marketer asking to befriend you on Twitter.  Hurry and check it out before the offer disappears.  Or better yet, go back to your outline and think a little more about the shape of this chapter.  Spend a few more days getting ready before you take the plunge.  Even better yet: pour a large glass of wine and think about starting another book.  I hope I haven’t spoiled your fun, but, really now, this one is already DOA.

Amen.

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